Btw, can I just slip in an argument here...? Please do!

So, I think we might have a difference of opinion about what is required for an act to be misogynistic, i.e., whether a misogynistic motive is necessary. I agree with you that Sherlock's comments probably weren't motivated by misogyny; I've never had the impression that his feelings about Sally are colored very much by her being a woman. His dislike for her in particular and women in general is very similar in intensity and character to his usual misanthropy toward men.

Instead, I called him out for misogyny in that scene because he reached for a convenient tool to hurt her with and came up with one that had a misogynistic engine in it, so to speak. The reason his comments worked was because of the greater climate of misogyny around them both, and he was a-okay with going ahead and using that climate against her. In contrast, he could have looked at his possible verbal attacks and said something like "This attack works because of her race; that's out-of-bounds. This attack works because of her gender; that's also out-of-bounds. This attack works because she's cruel/two-faced/jealous/whatever; that one's fair play, so that's the one that I'm going to use." But he didn't. He used the misogynistic attack instead. Hence my charge that his action was misogynistic, even if the motivation wasn't necessarily.

(BTW, she's arguably doing something similar when she calls him "Freak," i.e., using a general climate of hatred and intolerance toward neurodivergent people to fuel her own attack against him. I'm somewhat sympathetic to that argument, although I strongly dislike the usual Sally-hating/Sherlock-defending context I find it in. They're both behaving badly in that exchange, and neither behavior excuses the other.)

BTW, this discussion is being phrased from Watsonian perspective, as if Sherlock was a living breathing person who makes his own decisions; indeed, that's how I phrased my original complaint. In actuality, my feelings about his comments are further influenced by my Doylist perspective on the scene, a perspective in which the entire scenario is manufactured from whole cloth and Sherlock is very much saying words that were put into his mouth for him. So many details of that scene's writing, filming, and editing suggest the creators' misogyny to me, from Sally's pencil skirt and heels at a murder scene, to the camera focusing on her ass and legs, to the narrative decision to have her sleeping with a married man, to the content and crudeness of Sherlock's verbal attacks against her. That entire scene is written and filmed to use cultural misogyny as a tool to discredit her as a character. It wasn't clear in the phrasing of my original comments, but when I charged Sherlock-the-character with being misogynistic, I was as much referring to Sherlock-the-show, which he's just one more moving cog within. :-/

I hope that helps clarify my thinking? So much of this depends on why one even cares whether he's being misogynistic, because that affects what perspectives or definitions one chooses to come at this from. So there's lots of room for opinions to vary, I think.