221B Recs

Title: You Should Have Changed Course Long Ago
Author: msdisdain
Pairing: Sherlock/John, background Mycroft/Lestrade
Length: 33,235 words
Rating: Explicit
Verse: Sherlock BBC

Author's summary: John realizes too late what has been in his heart all along, and flees London. But can he ever truly leave Sherlock behind?

Reccer's comments: Written before Series 4, this story is in turns heartbreaking, painful, cathartic - and, above all else - joyful and full of hope. Told mostly from John's POV, it begins with both Mary and the baby gone. John finally finds the courage to tell Sherlock what he really wants, only to have Sherlock send him away because he can't trust that he isn't John's consolation prize. And so begins a painful journey for both men, separated by both distance and time, as they struggle to accept the fact that neither one is going to have what he truly wants. And it's not until that reality is finally accepted, that both men can fall back together again. Painful, but worth the payoff in the end.


To John’s shock, Sherlock’s voice broke, and he took a few shaky breaths before turning back to meet John's gaze. "I thought I could wait forever. I thought I would always trust you. But I couldn't, and I can't. Not with this. I have died for loving you, and I have killed for loving you, and it's gotten me here.

“I do not think I can be...here...any longer."

John tried to swallow around the horror and self-loathing and despair rising up in his throat. "What does that--what does that mean?"

Sherlock's gaze slid sideways to the window, unfocused. "Mycroft always has work for me. I'll take...one of the quieter options, this time."

"Away from..." Me, John tried to say, but the word lodged in his throat with everything else.

"London," Sherlock said.

But all John heard was You, and what could he say to that? What counterargument did he have that was worth anything? Sherlock had come back for him--twice--and John had given him nothing but pain in return. And now that he was ready--eager--desperate to give him everything, his time had run out.